The Snob

We moved to a new neighborhood
Where no one said hello
We had no clue what we should do
So both of us laid low

On Day 1, we just stayed inside
Day 2, we took a drive
Day 3, we raked up all the leaves
Day 4 our truck arrived

Our furniture from Canada
Perhaps it looked elite
All we knew was everyone
Watched from across the street

We didn’t know – to wave hello?
To nod? To shout, “What’s up?”
Days 5 and 6, we “ordered in”
Day 7, closed up shop

Day 8; so now a week had passed
And greetings we’d not sent
The neighbor Bob, said, “He’s a snob”
That’s what my shyness meant?

After all, we were the guests
Hey, neighbors – welcome US!
Perhaps we’re shy, why not say “hi”?
Come over, make a fuss!

You want us to just circulate
And freely start to talk?
But we don’t know any of you
We’re new to your old block

The thing is, once the time goes by
A tug-of-war ensues
Whose role is it to “break the ice”
To saunter by and schmooze?

You think we’re snobby newcomers
We think you’re full of airs
Day 9 and 10, and silence
Is all we feel – and stares

It’s Day 11, and I think
I’ll step up to the plate
“I’m Rob! You’re Bob, I understand?”
I‘d done it – I felt great!

“Thank G-d for mailbox labels, ”
Bob answered with a grin
“You guys are friendly folks, I see.”
At last, we’d made it in!

That summer, most folks went away
My darling wife felt blue
“Rob,” she said to me one day
“Can we go somewhere, too?”

“What did you have in mind?”I asked
“And dear wife, please remember
What we went through, when we first moved
To this place in September?”

“Of course, dear Rob,” she smiled
“But we have learned since then
That people think we’re snobby
If we don’t first greet them!”

At Lakewood Kosher Vacation Villas
This won’t be on your head
Everyone is friendly
Try calling – they’re well-bred!

The service is exemplary
The managers are kind
They’ll find a perfect villa
Just what you had in mind

The neighbors will be sociable
The synagogues, the same
Lakewood Kosher Vacation Villas
Is known; they have a name!

You will not have to speculate
On how to say hello
Our cheerful staff will welcome you
It’s just the place to go!

Quiet if you need that
People – if that’s better
Just explain your needs to them
They’ll follow, to the letter!

Lakewood Kosher Vacation Villas
We specialize in hosting
The process will be extra smooth
With us, you’ll just be coasting

You’ll choose the number of bedrooms
You’ll choose the neighborhood
We’ll specify amenities
Which ones, for you, are good

You’ll choose to cook or cater
To rest – or recreation!
You’ll choose a daily schedule
That best suits YOUR vacation

Swimming pools, jacuzzis
Large yards and propane grills
Luxury in furnishings
A kitchen with the frills

So if your question’s budget
We have accommodations
We offer many options
At Lakewood Kosher Vacations!

P.S. So in the end, we booked
A Lakewood Hosts retreat
And here is our review:
We really felt elite!

It doesn’t matter who you are
You don’t have to be famous
They treat you like a VIP
Whatever your last name is!

Every luxury you’d want
And those you’ve never seen
Included in the package of
This mini-American Dream!

My wife and I pretended
That we were King and Queen
Relaxing in our palace
By choice, this quarantine!

Of course, we “ordered in”
I did not want her to cook
But honestly, we could have
Kitchen, such a cozy nook!

The shuls nearby were perfect
Minyanim – who needs more?
And Friday I bought flowers
For my “queen” at the store

I could go on forever
Reviewing everything
But better if you go yourselves
Soon, you too, will sing!

P.P.S. My neighbors keep on asking
“Rob, where’d you two go?
You look refreshed such energy!
We all want to know!”

My wife and I discussed it
A secret? Or to tell?
We finally did share with them
Why we both looked so well.

The funny thing is, everyone’s
Reserving with them now
Should we ask for commission?
I think we can, but how?

I’ve got it, here’s the deal
For every client sent
We get one more day free
Without our paying rent!

Or: this one’s even better
With every neighbor gone
We get another parking spot!
And no one on our lawn!

To summarize, we’ll go again–
But this time, we’ll go last
Enjoying all the extra space
Meanwhile, is a blast!



To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pursue pain, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful.